‘Nine Inch Nails is not dead’ said Reznor, grimly. It was with some dismay, however, that fans received the news that Reznor intends to release material that will in fact be really rather different from the Nine Inch Nails angstridden past. Reznor has collaborated with his wife, Mariqueen Maandig (surely not her birth name) on six songs, soon to be released as an ep entitled How To Destroy Angels.

If different means dance music then Trent Reznor has no shame. If, however, Reznor offers up something new and different and interesting then really, perhaps we should all eat our hats. As even if we can’t understand them or their music, the baton has moved onto the generation featuring many a spoilt brat sporting an iphone, blackberry and God knows what. Angst and loathing isn’t the same when it’s instantaneously transmitted to friends online on facebook, frankly. But times change, and this, Trent Reznor, cannot be helped.

Two AFX tracks were featured on Thom Yorke’s list, and in addition, the angstridden star of Radiohead launched into a torrid attack on the petroleum giant BP for the recent oil slick disaster. Yorke stated that the heads of BP should be held to account for the criminal damage done in the Gulf of Mexico. Certainly someone should be held accountable as oil slick disasters don’t tend to happen all by themselves so it’s quite good of Thom Yorke to helpfully highlight this point. As to the rest, we hope that Thom Yorke’s special election playlist is more listenable than it is readable – it must be a music insider’s list as very few of the names are recognisable. Münchner Philharmoniker and Sergiu Celibidache? You what? Lady Chan, Mazzy Star? How old is Thom Yorke??? Why is it only rock musicians get a gulp of the elixir of youth?

But then – what can you expect? Lady Gaga and Beyonce Knowles? Hardly, darling. If you think you know anything about music, you had better listen to this playlist now, you horrible ignoramus.

It is not thought that Elliott Smith was particularly disliked by Roger Waters in his lifetime, and so, as a consequence, Waters has profusely apologised. Waters had employed graffiti artists to paint President Eisenhower’s anti-war quote across American cities in light of his forthcoming promotional tour of the famous 1979 Pink Floyd concept album, The Wall.

The Sunset Boulevard shop that had become an unofficial memorial to Elliott Smith was unceremoniously spray painted with wheat paste by zealous graffiti artists. Waters explained that it had been ‘a random pasting’ and no disrespect was meant. Elliott Smith fans, however, are not so sure. Smith died in 2003 and Waters claims that Smith would’ve appreciated the quote pasted on by the graffiti artists – the Eisenhower one that says in the final analysis, every weapon launched takes from the cold and hungry and so on.

The wheat paste offering has now been removed on the orders of Waters, but the sting of the rebuke remains. The shop that features the memorial wall, Solutions Audio, has not offered a comment yet. At least there haven’t been any burnings of cds of The Wall, so that’s a blessing. Perhaps peace will continue to reign in Sunset Boulevard, the efforts of graffiti artists aside.

Is adoption some kind of interim measure for Hollywood stars, is it a means by which you can be a parent but not really? A half-parent? Anyway, we will leave that thought and return to Watts. Watts made ample reference to the Hollywood casting couch – how a very prominent casting agent attempted to leap upon her after a shifty and rather squirmy dinner. Watts, to her credit yet again, said that she really didn’t know if that is how things got done ‘around here’, i.e. in Hollywood but she had felt totally ‘bamboozled’. That’s not a word I’d use for fending off unwanted advances but it is pertinent enough. Good old Naomi Watts.

It is always noted when a woman is taller than her man, the same way that it is noted if a woman is older than her man. Apparently we expect women to be shorter and younger than their men. Sometimes, though, it’s good to see something different going on and here we can happily say Mick Jagger, never the same man since being thrown out on his ear by Jerry Hall, looked smiley and chirpy in a way he hasn’t in a long while. Perhaps this is because he succeeding in persuading his new partner to don the flat sandals and not the Jimmy Choo heels. Who knows?

Short men get a hard time in our culture. Although it is possible for them to acquire fame and riches and so on – a la Tom Cruise and Mick Jagger – they are constantly reminded of their lack of height. Quite why we think short men don’t quite cut the mustard is unknown. Despite this, however, Mick Jagger is keeping himself busy and the Rolling Stones are due to release another album, sigh. In addition Jagger is heading out to Cannes for a preview of a documentary about the Rolling Stones, etc etc.

It may be true that Kim Kardashian wanted fame and riches and was willing to put herself under the knife multiple times accordingly, and she may well have spent some of her husband’s money. But the court papers indicate very specific allegations of abuse were made – although Thomas denies ever having been violent to his former wife. He points out that Kim Kardashian never applied for a restraining order and he initiated the divorce upon learning of Kim’s ‘multiple’ infidelities.

So what do we know now? That these two aren’t likely to make each other’s Christmas card list. That Damon Thomas is not one to maintain a manly silence and that it’s good news they didn’t have any children. If I were Kim Kardashian, I’d start voice or acting lessons or employ a ghostwriter to write a book – being a ‘famewhore’ opens you up to all kinds of attacks and it doesn’t look like great fun from here.

Specsavers utilised the services of Kelly Brook as they launched the Spectacle Wearer of the Year campaign. It has been thought of as a most cunning move by the company hitherto thought of as catering only for shortsighted squares. Brook explains that she views glasses as a fashion accessory and that she is delighted to be taking part in Specsavers’ hunt for chic spectacle wearing members of the public.

Have sales of spectacles gone down in the recession? Perhaps people will only buy the cheapest they can get their hands on. In any case, it would appear Specsavers will leave no stone unturned in pursuing its vision of the fashionable bespectacled masses pouring into its stores with bejewelled purses at the ready. To drive home the point further, Specsavers have employed the modelling agency Storm and the services of well known style guru Gok Wan, also a bespectacled phenomenon. What next? Iconic pictures of Marilyn Monroe and Barack Obama in Specsavers specials? Free spectacles to whoever makes it through as Prime Minister in Britain’s hung parliament? Special diamond-encrusted spectacles gifted to the Queen? Where is this thing going? Where will it all end?

Now the fact is, Jessica Simpson might suffer from dry hair, which would mean that you wouldn’t want to wash it that often as it will only get drier. So she can be forgiven for that, although if truth be told, her hair washing habits are really and truly none of our business. But teeth? Well…she has to think of the good of the public. If they learn that Jessica Simpson only brushes her teeth three times a week, what then? Sales of toothbrushes and tooth floss and toothpaste could go down, aggravating and extending the global recession. Jessica Simpson ought to be sporting a diamond grin and advertising dental hygiene products without delay.

In another cunning move, Simpson mentioned that she broken her nose in the past. It looks as if the move to have a nose job is in the pipeline, as excuses are already being prepared. Jessica Simpson has revealed more than we want to know of our female celebrities, but maybe that is all to the good. Why should we see them as airbrushed masses of perfection?

Alba did the usual shpeel of saying how she always dreamed of a large family and fully expects to have four or so children. So long as she doesn’t jet off to poor locations around the world picking up pretty babies, that’s fine.

It is strange how Hollywood stars appear incapable of adopting children on their own doorstep. Perhaps kids up for adoption in the United States are older, hardened and for some reason not as prestigious, being white. Adopting or fostering a seven year old white kid from a few hundred miles away doesn’t advertise your rainbow love of all races but it does demonstrate a quieter, more civic spirit. Which is probably why it doesn’t happen.

In the meantimes, Jessica Alba has a lot more acting to do before she can be termed the new Angelina. Angelina Jolie may not be the world’s greatest actress and she may in fact not have been in any particularly memorable films but she’s done a lot more than the baby-faced Jessica Alba.  Perhaps Tatler should’ve just put Angelina on its cover as it has mentioned her anyway..?

It is alleged that Aniston was scarred by her fake romance with the randy old Scottish goat that is Gerald Butler, and so turned to her beloved female friend for help. Things have been taken a step further in that Ingber is now going to be living with Aniston and the two are looking forward to a summer of barbecues and other poolside fun.

There has been an underground rumour for years that Aniston is gay and when Brad refused to play ball that was it. That’s a lie. It has also been rumoured that Brad is gay, but all we can say with certainty is that he is definitely bearded, and he is definitely mad.

It is said that Mandy Ingber’s website features every magazine cover that has contained an article mentioning her, including those which refer to Jen’s obsession with Angelina and all the rest of it. This clearly hasn’t stopped Mandy Ingber and Jennifer Aniston from being good friends so maybe it means all those bold headlines were very far from the reality. I’m still betting they’re lesbians, however.